I haven’t ever been into drugs, but this girl enjoys a good glass of wine … or 6. Hence the problem.

As with anything in my life, I’m an “all or nothing” type. Once I start, I have a hard time quitting. Over the years, I’ve become aware of this propensity and have learned to take a cab, stay the night or stop drinking a couple hours before leaving, (which, based on results, doesn’t work.)

The night of my DUI one week ago, I wanted to get home before midnight. Since ordering equals a commitment to stay for “just one more.” I had stopped ordering drinks an hour or so before we left. However, when I got thirsty, I’d sneak a drink of my brother’s beer. . . not recommended.

The first few days following that fateful night, the mere thought of alcohol or a party made me ill. The mere thought of the smell of alcohol was connected to the experience and fear I felt during my arrest. Which is a great Pavlovian response. But as days go by, I can feel those feelings dissipating very slowly.

During these past few days, I’ve contemplated whether to drink EVER again, and if so, HOW to drink.

Bursting with personality, I don’t *need* to drink to have fun. I think I drink because I’m bored. As the popular saying goes, “I only drink to make YOU more interesting.” Well, I drink to make LIFE more interesting. Which doesn’t even make sense, considering that it doesn’t take much to entertain me. Just ask any of the anonymous people I know.

I’ve thought of going to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA,) just to see what all the hoopla’s about. And since I’ve stopped drinking, I’d really like someplace to hang out besides on the couch with my dogs. But I’m afraid that once I’m in the door, I’m trapped into a lifetime commitment of collecting “chips” and touting how long I’ve been sober. What if I don’t *want* to stop completely? What if I don’t *need* to stop completely?

Can I go through a work-week foregoing happy hour and the calming dose of Merlot? I’d like to save my drinking time for an occasional wine party or barbecue. I’m afraid to try. I’m kinda in this drinking purgatory – the Switzerland of Shiraz. I don’t know how to proceed, and am feeling paralyzed.

I was just invited to a big wine party where I get to play dress-up and everything. While I need to get out and meet people, I’m truly frightened of drinking. Not like I think I’m going to freak out and do something inappropriate or start dancing on tables (though neither of which are improbable, but I do that sober) I’m just afraid that I will … actually, I don’t know what I’m afraid of.

Where is this support group I wrote about a few days ago? It sure would come in handy about now. Thoughts? Anyone have words of wisdom to interject?