Arrested for DUI – Acceptance, empowerment and change
Friday, October 2nd, 2009
The sound and feeling of the handcuffs will haunt me forever
Two nights ago, I got my first DUI. The first 24 hours were horrific — not because I was taken to jail right away, but because I was living in my own personal prison of self loathing.
I went home, went to bed and woke up the next day still sobbing. Having had only 3 hours of sleep, i needed more rest. But I also needed to be somewhere with people, so i went to work.
It was hard to get ready, as I continued to cry.
I now have a DUI. I have a record. I have a mugshot. I had been handcuffed and put in a police car at 1:30 in the morning.
I was devastated. I was humiliated. I was guilty.
I think the hardest thing that I had to deal with that first 24 hours was an overwhelming, heartwrenching feeling that I let down society. I let down my friends, I let down myself. And I’m sure God wasn’t too happy with me either. it was SO fresh and raw that it didn’t seem real.
This wasn’t the first time I had thought I was fine to drive home after a few drinks. It was the first time I got caught. And the emotions that went along with my arrest were far more excrutiating than ANYONE was able to prepare me for in the many stories I had heard before.
I have been in complete shock for the first 24 hours. The feelings that overcame me were far worse than i had ever imagined they would be. it wasn’t just a matter of, “Ok, this is what I need to do to fix this.” I will have to wait for my hearing, where I would learn the severity of my crime and … ugh… even using the word “crime” hurts… and the penalty I will have to pay.
The waiting is the worst part. I have no idea if I will have to pay for a breathelizer for my car. Will i have to stay in jail? And… for how long? (more…)