D.U.I. Life Change

It’s true we’re the hardest on ourselves.

Today I went to church and had to drive by the place where I was pulled over for my DUI last week. As I neared the parking lot that I had pulled out of before the police began following me, I could feel the anxiety rushing over me.

“Would I ever go there again? Would *not* going be overkill? What is in store for my future?” Ugh, the mental anxiety is exhausting.

As I turned the corner, I thought about how aware I had become of my feelings, but I was ok. However, a block later, the tears began flowing … again. I wasn’t even IN church yet, and I was crying. As I parked my car in the furthest spot from the entrance, I sat and let it out. Then I picked up my phone to call my friend who would be there.

She was able to give me the most effective advice in that moment. . . “Why are you so hard on yourself?” She asked.”Do you think God is this hard on you?”

“Well, I guess we’re about to find out.” I replied as I got out of the car and headed toward the building.

“Do you think I love my son any less because he has a DUI?” She asked.

And with that, I came to a new DUIpiphany … we truly ARE harder on ourselves than anyone else. Parents don’t love children less because they make mistakes.

They may be disappointed, angry and frustrated, but they don’t love us any less. And with that, I was able to call my dad today and tell him what happened. I had been harboring the guilt inside for the past few days and needed to come clean.

Of course, dad was disappointed. But he was also understanding … understanding that I recognized my mistake and was humbled by it. It was nice to be able to share with him, and I can only hope to be able to soon tell my mom. But I’m still not so sure she’d want to know. I hate keeping a secret.

“You’re as sick as your secrets” was a phrase my friend shared today. And I believe that. But I also know that my mom will be very disappointed in me. But I think she’ll also appreciate where I am as a result.

Right now, I’m focused on accepting my mistake, forgiving myself and not letting this paralyze my zest for life. I highly doubt that’s possible, cuz I’ve got a lot of personality — and it’s gonna be hard to stifle.

3 Greatest Moments of Today:

1. Realizing that I’m hardest on myself – and God knows who I am inside and out.

2.Feeling the disappointment, love, support and forgiveness from my dad.

3. Spending a beer-free NFL Sunday with a dear friend.

The past few days following my DUI arrest have been eye-opening. I’ve dealt with a myriad of emotions including remorse, shame, embarrassment, humiliation and self-loathing.

Now aware of the gut-wrenching feelings that accompany a DUI arrest, I’m curious how others deal with these emotions. Please share your story by commenting on the following page. Obviously, people who drink may have a tendency to cope with such anxieties with alcohol. So surely, there must be something available for them as they wait for their court hearing, BAC results and sentence. It’s interesting to me that short of Alcoholics Anonamous, a readily available support group is proving hard to find. Just because someone has received a DUI after meeting friends for drinks does not mean they need to join AA. Read the rest of this entry »

I woke up a bit depressed, not knowing what is ahead and called someone who’s been through a DUI. It’s amazing how many people have.

He lifted my spirits a bit… but I’m still beating myself up, feeling like a failure.

Since he was in the car with me when I was pulled over, he knows my state — and could verify that I wasn’t reckless. It just wasn’t wise to leave that parking lot after having alcohol.

Regardless, responsibility & change… today, I’ll clean my house and garden a little bit. Do things that will heal me… even if only a little.

Getting a DUI is a harsh reality that can lead to a myriad of emotions. Anxiety, stress, guilt, fear and embarrassment can be overwhelming. . . as it should be.

The best thing you can do is make positive changes in your life – don’t go victim. Pick yourself back up and find a way to improve yourself and your world. It’s the best thing you can do to move forward.

This blog is geared towards positive growth through your DUI arrest. Please feel free to share emotions and experiences by commenting on the following page. Read the rest of this entry »

The sound and feeling of the handcuffs will haunt me forever

Two nights ago, I got my first DUI. The first 24 hours were horrific — not because I was taken to jail right away, but because I was living in my own personal prison of self loathing.

I went home, went to bed and woke up the next day still sobbing. Having had only 3 hours of sleep, i needed more rest. But I also needed to be somewhere with people, so i went to work.

It was hard to get ready, as I continued to cry.

I now have a DUI. I have a record. I have a mugshot. I had been handcuffed and put in a police car at 1:30 in the morning.

I was devastated. I was humiliated. I was guilty.

I think the hardest thing that I had to deal with that first 24 hours was an overwhelming, heartwrenching feeling that I let down society. I let down my friends, I let down myself. And I’m sure God wasn’t too happy with me either. it was SO fresh and raw that it didn’t seem real.

This wasn’t the first time I had thought I was fine to drive home after a few drinks. It was the first time I got caught. And the emotions that went along with my arrest were far more excrutiating than ANYONE was able to prepare me for in the many stories I had heard before.

I have been in complete shock for the first 24 hours. The feelings that overcame me were far worse than i had ever imagined they would be. it wasn’t just a matter of, “Ok, this is what I need to do to fix this.” I will have to wait for my hearing, where I would learn the severity of my crime and … ugh… even using the word “crime” hurts… and the penalty I will have to pay.

The waiting is the worst part. I have no idea if I will have to pay for a breathelizer for my car. Will i have to stay in jail? And… for how long? Read the rest of this entry »