D.U.I. Life Change

Earlier this week, my friend and were enjoying a dinner and a drink to discuss the event of our day and my upcoming fate with my DUI pretrial court date. We raised our glasses as she toasted, “Cheers to what we don’t know.”

A challenge to redirect fear and embrace the things we don’t yet know. Life is such a mystery.

Yesterday I took my grandmother’s jewelry to be appraised to see how much it was worth. The lawyer I would like to use for my DUI case is going to cost me $5,000. If I’m going to hire him, I would need to sell these heirlooms … a difficult decision that I couldn’t make until I knew the worth of my valuables. The jeweler’s offer left me sure that I would not be able to afford the lawyer, which meant I would be going to court in one week and begging the judge to provide me with a public defender. Since I make more than $30,000 a year, I didn’t qualify for the legal defense that the law says I have a right to. Apparently, the line that states, “if you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you,” was dependent on figures that didn’t apply to the majority of the population.

As I headed through a part of town I was unfamiliar with, my mind was swimming with a school of thoughts about my DUI. A flash from the side of the road quickly awakened me from my daydream. In that instant, I knew that a speed camera was the culprit, my vehicle plate and windshield were the subjects.

“Damnit! Was this really happening? No. This was not happening. It couldn’t. How could this happen? What the hell? Oh my god, no. I did NOT just get a speeding violation!”

I had quickly slowed down involuntarily once the flash struck, and now did not know how fast I had been going, or if the flash was aimed at me at all. All I knew is that I didn’t need another uncertainty in my life. I didn’t have room for more of the unknown. Unfortunately, the unknowns in my life were beginning to take over my life and outnumber the comforts of what I knew and could anticipate.

As the reality of my latest moving violation set in, I was in disbelief, and quickly spiraled into an internal frenzy of fear as I realized that a speeding ticket after a DUI was not going to fare well for me. Thoughts raced as I scrambled to understand the repercussions of this action. But i didn’t have facts, so my fear was inconsolable. I remembered a friend who told me that if a person receives a DUI, they get 8 points removed from their license. Any moving violation would bring their points to 0 and lead to an automatic license suspension – for a year.

I made it home safely, but once in the door of my house, I fell into complete hysterics.

(more…)

I like to drink.

I haven’t ever been into drugs, but this girl enjoys a good glass of wine … or 6. Hence the problem.

As with anything in my life, I’m an “all or nothing” type. Once I start, I have a hard time quitting. Over the years, I’ve become aware of this propensity and have learned to take a cab, stay the night or stop drinking a couple hours before leaving, (which, based on results, doesn’t work.)

The night of my DUI one week ago, I wanted to get home before midnight. Since ordering equals a commitment to stay for “just one more.” I had stopped ordering drinks an hour or so before we left. However, when I got thirsty, I’d sneak a drink of my brother’s beer. . . not recommended.

The first few days following that fateful night, the mere thought of alcohol or a party made me ill. The mere thought of the smell of alcohol was connected to the experience and fear I felt during my arrest. Which is a great Pavlovian response. But as days go by, I can feel those feelings dissipating very slowly.

During these past few days, I’ve contemplated whether to drink EVER again, and if so, HOW to drink.

Bursting with personality, I don’t *need* to drink to have fun. I think I drink because I’m bored. As the popular saying goes, “I only drink to make YOU more interesting.” Well, I drink to make LIFE more interesting. Which doesn’t even make sense, considering that it doesn’t take much to entertain me. Just ask any of the anonymous people I know. (more…)

The past few days following my DUI arrest have been eye-opening. I’ve dealt with a myriad of emotions including remorse, shame, embarrassment, humiliation and self-loathing.

Now aware of the gut-wrenching feelings that accompany a DUI arrest, I’m curious how others deal with these emotions. Please share your story by commenting on the following page. Obviously, people who drink may have a tendency to cope with such anxieties with alcohol. So surely, there must be something available for them as they wait for their court hearing, BAC results and sentence. It’s interesting to me that short of Alcoholics Anonamous, a readily available support group is proving hard to find. Just because someone has received a DUI after meeting friends for drinks does not mean they need to join AA. (more…)