D.U.I. Life Change

“You’re as sick as your secrets.” How true those words are.

For the past few days, I’ve been debating when, how, if to tell my parents about my DUI last week. After much contemplation and great distress, I decided to face the parental judge and jury.

I told my dad yesterday… today was “Tell Mom Day.” I knew it was coming, but wasn’t sure when my debating mind would teeter over to the “Tell her now” side.

Today, I received an email from my friend’s mother who expressed her feelings about my hesitation to share the disturbing news with my mom. She reassured me that no matter what children do, mothers don’t stop loving us. They may not be pleased, and in this case, she’ll probably be shocked. But they don’t stop loving us.

How wonderful it felt to receive that email from her. I knew this was true, but needed to be ready to face my mom’s disappointment. And when I did, as others had speculated, I was pleasantly surprised by her reaction.

She was understanding, forgiving, loving,
… and just as my friend’s mom speculated
… a bit shocked.

And so was I.

3 Greatest Moments of Today
1. The moment after telling my mom, when hearing her understanding voice on the other end of the phone.
2. Speaking to a friend from the police department who was able to answer some of my questions and ease my mind a bit.
3. Speaking to the wonderful people at Masen Law Firm who were so helpful and relieved some of my stress.

It’s true we’re the hardest on ourselves.

Today I went to church and had to drive by the place where I was pulled over for my DUI last week. As I neared the parking lot that I had pulled out of before the police began following me, I could feel the anxiety rushing over me.

“Would I ever go there again? Would *not* going be overkill? What is in store for my future?” Ugh, the mental anxiety is exhausting.

As I turned the corner, I thought about how aware I had become of my feelings, but I was ok. However, a block later, the tears began flowing … again. I wasn’t even IN church yet, and I was crying. As I parked my car in the furthest spot from the entrance, I sat and let it out. Then I picked up my phone to call my friend who would be there.

She was able to give me the most effective advice in that moment. . . “Why are you so hard on yourself?” She asked.”Do you think God is this hard on you?”

“Well, I guess we’re about to find out.” I replied as I got out of the car and headed toward the building.

“Do you think I love my son any less because he has a DUI?” She asked.

And with that, I came to a new DUIpiphany … we truly ARE harder on ourselves than anyone else. Parents don’t love children less because they make mistakes.

They may be disappointed, angry and frustrated, but they don’t love us any less. And with that, I was able to call my dad today and tell him what happened. I had been harboring the guilt inside for the past few days and needed to come clean.

Of course, dad was disappointed. But he was also understanding … understanding that I recognized my mistake and was humbled by it. It was nice to be able to share with him, and I can only hope to be able to soon tell my mom. But I’m still not so sure she’d want to know. I hate keeping a secret.

“You’re as sick as your secrets” was a phrase my friend shared today. And I believe that. But I also know that my mom will be very disappointed in me. But I think she’ll also appreciate where I am as a result.

Right now, I’m focused on accepting my mistake, forgiving myself and not letting this paralyze my zest for life. I highly doubt that’s possible, cuz I’ve got a lot of personality — and it’s gonna be hard to stifle.

3 Greatest Moments of Today:

1. Realizing that I’m hardest on myself – and God knows who I am inside and out.

2.Feeling the disappointment, love, support and forgiveness from my dad.

3. Spending a beer-free NFL Sunday with a dear friend.